King of the Perverts Steve Lowe Books
Download As PDF : King of the Perverts Steve Lowe Books
Finalist for the 2012 Wonderland Book Award for Best Novel
King of the Perverts Steve Lowe Books
"Hold me closer tiny dancerCount the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today."
--Elton John
As hard as love is, relationships are harder. In today's day and age, it can be hard for a man to express his love in a union, which, more often than not, leads to confusion, arguments, and bickering. No one wants to come home at the end of the day to a loveless, tepid partnership with a complete stranger. Prostitutes are cheaper and less judgmental.
But, as we all know, sex with hookers, good though it may be, leads to low self-esteem and social diseases. What's more, families can suffer from the perceived infidelity that comes with soliciting the services of a lady of the evening. And that's not even mentioning the jail time. In the long run, it seems that the best approach to a happy love life is to approach one's relationship as Bob Villa would- with a power saw and a hammer.
Remember that the small things count. Your spouse will easily be won over by small gifts that show you care. Her favorite chocolate bar, a single flower, and filling up the gas tank in her car are all low-cost, minimal-effort things you can give her to show her you care. Heck, in the case of the chocolate bar, maybe she'll even give you some!
Remind her of all your good times together. Can you pull up obscure details from your wedding day? How about the birthday picnic when it rained? If you can, great. If not, make something up! She'll follow right along to make it look like she didn't forget such a nice memory. The key is to keep it vague. That way you won't have to waste time trying to figure out if it was actually your wife you're remembering! She'll never question you if you remark on her beauty that spring in the city, even if that particular beauty belonged to that Puerto Rican transvestite!
Tell her how amazing she is. It's what she wants to hear. It's hard raising kids, balancing a career, and still finding time to look nice. Cut her some slack. If she's cranky, give her a foot rub!
If all that fails, pull out the ace up your sleeve: the Alligator Eff-house. Invite your lady to the bedroom for an apology massage. When you've got her all relaxed and peaceful, clamp your pearly whites down on her neck and flip the bizzle over. You'll need to hold her limbs down if you don't want the kahookey knocked out of you. Once you've completed the death roll, your marriage will be saved. Just be careful not to break the skin.
Keep in mind that not all relationships were built to last. Some were made like a 1985 Yugo, out of nothing but booze, bad decisions, and ugly yellow paint. In cases like those, just cut your losses. There are, as they say, other fish in the sea. But, before you go, be sure to test out the Abe Lincoln, the Dirty Sanchez, and the Donkey Punch on the old lady before you bring `em to the singles scene. They don't call it assault for nothing.
Product details
|
Tags : Amazon.com: King of the Perverts (9780984969258): Steve Lowe: Books,Steve Lowe,King of the Perverts,Grindhouse Press,098496925X,Fiction - General,Fiction Humorous General,Humorous - General,Modern & contemporary fiction (post c 1945)
People also read other books :
- Savage Wolf Springs Chronicles Book 3 edition by Nancy Holder Debbie Viguié Children eBooks
- Pentatonic A Story of Music (Audible Audio Edition) Jonathan Coe Penguin Books Ltd Books
- Flywheel Training Box Instructions eBook Ryan Pope
- The South Pole Roald Amundsen 9781470067076 Books
- An African On The Silk Road eBook Awowale Awonuga
King of the Perverts Steve Lowe Books Reviews
This is the most aptly named novella I have read in a while. This read was gross, funny, and totally unpredictable. What sexual perversions (water-sports and much more) would you try on the unsuspecting in order to win a million dollars? Well, I found out how far Dennis, a down on his luck guy, would go. Sperm mustache? You'll have to read it to find out how.
I just read this is one sitting because I couldn't put it down. It's the absolute funniest book I've read in a long time. SHEER entertainment. So many lines in it had me laughing so hard I had to read them again, since I couldn't believe what I just read. That, and some stuff is so good you just wanna experience it twice. Creative, witty, and over-the-top; it's Lowe's best work yet. Definitely my kind of humor, but that isn't to say it's not for everybody. It's too good of a book not to be.
And it's a GREAT story! It's something out of the ordinary, and it's rare to read anything these days that can still surprise you. It's original and could've only been spewed forth from Steve Lowe's awesome mind. And the comedic timing is perfect! There's some stuff in here that's way funnier than what I could usually come up with. ("The Angry Pirate" move was especially pure comedy gold.) One heck of a book. Highly recommended.
The hook brings you back. That's what singer/harp player John Popper said in reference to the special something a good song is supposed to have in order to get into your head and make you crave more. In literature, the hook is also crucial. In fact, a book's hook is sometimes the only thing standing between you continuing to read or closing a book while shaking you head in disappointment. Steve Lowe's King of the Perverts has a hook, but it's not a regular one; it's a huge, shiny, and vicious meat hook that could spear through conjoined cows. The reader is immediately thrown (notice I didn't say pulled) into a world where a man is trying to convince a beautiful young lady to release some yellow on him. Welcome to entertainment, Steve Lowe style. Closing the book is not an option any more.
King of the Perverts tells the story of Dennis, a regular guy who's recently gone through a rough patch in his life. His wife has asked him for a divorce, he learns she was cheating on him and he lost his job. With no wife, no money and crashing on his brother's couch, Dennis comes across a call for participants for a new reality show. The prize is a million dollars. He jumps on it, but soon learns what participating entails. The show is a "sexcathlon" where the first person to successfully complete 10 increasingly difficult and perverted challenges gets the money and is crowned King of the Perverts. The first few challenges are somewhat manageable, but Dennis is a good guy and his resolve begins to falter as things turn darker, nastier and infinitely more complicated. Thankfully he gets some help from his mysterious Russian cameraman, Mongo, a man who resembles a bear and whose breath smells like pancake syrup and vodka. With so much money on the line, becoming King of the Perverts quickly turns into a dangerous, fast-paced adventure unlike anything Dennis has ever experienced.
That Lowe was able to perform the research needed for this and still retain enough of his sanity to write a book is mind-blowing. A golden shower and a Dirty Sanchez might be considered almost mainstream by now, but reading about the Alligator F**khouse, the Abe Lincoln or the Donkey Punch is truly a unique experience. Despite being wonderfully dirty, what makes King of the Perverts a must-read is the fact that Lowe created a very likeable character. Dennis is a good man who struggles with his conscience throughout the whole process. Mongo threatens him, he needs the money and his cheating wife allowed him to take care of her while she was pregnant with her Chinese lover's baby. The result is a character that readers will invariably root for, even when he's raining punches on a woman's kidneys.
The book might be too much for some, but the author focused on creating a fun, interesting, nuanced narrative with touches of noir, action and drama, not on grossing readers out. Lowe has a knack for dialogue and even Mongo's thick accent adds to the plethora of little details that make the book such an engrossing read. If you ever wondered what Elmore Leonard dialogues would read like if he decided to write his sexiest, darkest book yet, King of the Perverts is your chance to actually find out.
Dirty and fun are always great adjectives when they get thrown together. King of the Perverts is both. Buy a copy today. In fact, buy one for you and one for anyone who has recommended or told you he or she enjoyed that book about the more than 49 gradations of muted silver coloration.
A very fun read!!!! Dennis runs into a rough patch in life. Lose of job and wife and living on brothers couch. So when the opportunity of joining a show where the first one to complete 10 lewd sexual acts wins a million dollars, he decides, why not. But Dennis is a good person, so for him, to do these acts, that degrade and hummilate woman is very tough. Luckily his camera man, is the opposite of such a person and forces him to continue. Once you start reading this, its tough to stop, be warned. Awesome book
"Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today."
--Elton John
As hard as love is, relationships are harder. In today's day and age, it can be hard for a man to express his love in a union, which, more often than not, leads to confusion, arguments, and bickering. No one wants to come home at the end of the day to a loveless, tepid partnership with a complete stranger. Prostitutes are cheaper and less judgmental.
But, as we all know, sex with hookers, good though it may be, leads to low self-esteem and social diseases. What's more, families can suffer from the perceived infidelity that comes with soliciting the services of a lady of the evening. And that's not even mentioning the jail time. In the long run, it seems that the best approach to a happy love life is to approach one's relationship as Bob Villa would- with a power saw and a hammer.
Remember that the small things count. Your spouse will easily be won over by small gifts that show you care. Her favorite chocolate bar, a single flower, and filling up the gas tank in her car are all low-cost, minimal-effort things you can give her to show her you care. Heck, in the case of the chocolate bar, maybe she'll even give you some!
Remind her of all your good times together. Can you pull up obscure details from your wedding day? How about the birthday picnic when it rained? If you can, great. If not, make something up! She'll follow right along to make it look like she didn't forget such a nice memory. The key is to keep it vague. That way you won't have to waste time trying to figure out if it was actually your wife you're remembering! She'll never question you if you remark on her beauty that spring in the city, even if that particular beauty belonged to that Puerto Rican transvestite!
Tell her how amazing she is. It's what she wants to hear. It's hard raising kids, balancing a career, and still finding time to look nice. Cut her some slack. If she's cranky, give her a foot rub!
If all that fails, pull out the ace up your sleeve the Alligator Eff-house. Invite your lady to the bedroom for an apology massage. When you've got her all relaxed and peaceful, clamp your pearly whites down on her neck and flip the bizzle over. You'll need to hold her limbs down if you don't want the kahookey knocked out of you. Once you've completed the death roll, your marriage will be saved. Just be careful not to break the skin.
Keep in mind that not all relationships were built to last. Some were made like a 1985 Yugo, out of nothing but booze, bad decisions, and ugly yellow paint. In cases like those, just cut your losses. There are, as they say, other fish in the sea. But, before you go, be sure to test out the Abe Lincoln, the Dirty Sanchez, and the Donkey Punch on the old lady before you bring `em to the singles scene. They don't call it assault for nothing.
0 Response to "[MW7]≡ [PDF] King of the Perverts Steve Lowe Books"
Post a Comment